


Good morning, night

by masquiat



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Betrayal, Cat and Mouse, Environmentalism, F/M, Food is People, Incidental revenge, Living well is the best revenge, Pseudoscience, also fewer stupid vampires, children are people too, historical materialism, immune response, invisible jerkass, less stupid vampires, still a romance, vampires are inherently monstrous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-01 02:22:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13988484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masquiat/pseuds/masquiat
Summary: Canon divergence from New Moon: Cullen family dynamics are at play when Edward dumps Bella. Unwittingly he's left her with more than just heartbreak and when she's sent to spend Thanksgiving with Renee it puts her in the path of an older and more ruthless vampire.





	1. I love you madly

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure what this is, but it needed to be exorcised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could use a beta reader (are you interested?)

"Forks is a total clusterfuck," the vampire said, holding his head. He was quite young, comparatively, and the Volturi were using his skills to scout in the modern world. 

"So through a quirk of geography this area gets very little direct sunlight," he was saying, "and that works well for the coven that's moved in 'cause these guys are pretending to be human. Like, they have jobs and most of them are going to highschool! 

"It gets worse though. Their nearest neighbors are a tribe with dormant shapeshifter genes. Just by living nearby the coven's changing them into vampire-hunting wolves. They've negotiated a mutual non-aggression pact, but it's an unstable arrangement. And to cap it all off, one of the vamps has gone obsessive over a human girl and has told her everything!"

It was impossible to read the reaction of the ancient triumvirate who sat in stony silence. In contrast, the young vampire was in constant movement, twitching and flailing his arms for emphasis. The three old ones were still watching him, so he continued talking.

"Not to mention the data trail that they're all leaving. Fuck, in a few years everyone's going to be blipping this anomaly and we'll have a new Area 51."

Caius flinched. Now that had been a terrible situation for everyone. They had emerged with new allies and their secrecy basically intact, but it had also left an indelible mark on the memory of a nation.

"It seems Carlisle has started building his church," said Marcus.

Aro's expression changed to one of exaggerated sadness. They had been waiting for this. Carlisle's naive idealism and strong Calivinist faith made him pleasurably eccentric company, but their millennia of experience told them that his innocence would not last forever. All saints need acolytes, they knew, even if the saint had to do his own biting.

"He was such a sweet boy." Aro murmured, "I had hoped that he would remain so." Caius huffed a soft laugh. The two had many long-standing wagers and they had bet on how long it would take Carlisle to abandon his asceticism and start building a cult.

“My win,” Caius mocked. Aro hissed in annoyance, he really had expected blessed Cullen to last at least four centuries. Caius hissed back and then in a blur of movement they were wrestling each other on the center floor of the chamber, teeth met limbs, venom spittle flew and there was a horrible screech as vampire flesh was torn.

Marcus watched the fight with mild interest as the younger vampire wrung his hands and made aborted moves to separate the two. Within a moment though, the fighting had stopped and Aro and Caius returned to their seats, as settled as though nothing had happened.

“Well, we must hear what they have to say for themselves,” Aro said. “Shall we invite them to visit?”

Caius smiled.

****

Bella's seventeenth birthday party had collapsed like a wet tent. The sudden resurgence of Jasper's bloodlust had surprised everyone, not least Alice, and the two took off immediately. The others had quickly followed them into the forest where Bella assumed they were hunting. Carlisle had brought her to his office and was once again patiently stitching up her injuries.

Edward was the first to return to the house, but he didn’t immediately go to look for his girlfriend. He stood looking at the chaos of the main room; chairs were broken, the table lay in shards and over it all lay the debris from Alice's shattered crystal rose bowls glistening with the blood of his human. As he began tidying he thought about the love that Esme put into creating a home for them and how yet again he was responsible for rupturing that comfortable bubble.

Guilt was clouding his thinking and in his distraction, he unthinkingly reached for a shard of blood-covered crystal and popped it into his mouth.

There was a gasp from the doorway and he spun around to see Rosalie snarling at him. She had returned just in time to catch his transgression. Shocked at himself, Edward watched the thoughts unfolding in her mind as she replayed old memories of Edward and Bella together. She appeared to be reaching a conclusion.

The images were following quickly one after the other: Edward’s face in a rictus of discomfort while clasping Bella gently as he ran through the woods; Edward reaching across Bella to do up her seatbelt, carefully guarding Bella’s body against injury; Edward’s pleased expression whenever Bella’s made a comment he could never have anticipated; Edward’s snarling violence as he threw Bella into the glass table. Rosalie was seeing these memories overlaid with a new recognition that Edward was aroused by the pain of Bella's scent and that he was further aroused by the denial of her thoughts. She was coming around to the conclusion that his love for Bella was actually self-denial of his overwhelming bloodlust.

"No," Edward protested. "That's not right!"

"It excites you!" Rosalie continued, and Edward heard the disgust. He reflexively denied it again, but his mortification was growing as he watched the images spooling from her mind. This was not something he had ever allowed himself to think, but even as he recoiled from the thought, a deeper sense of recognition was overtaking him.

Rosalie's own complicated history colored her views on sexual permissibility. Having grown up in a sheltered home in the 1920s, she only understood physical love in the context of a marriage and she had only ever wanted a husband and children for herself. Before her traumatic turning she had no concept of sexual depravity, and however much she loved Emmett's easy physicality, she found sex in the 21st century deeply uncomfortable. All this Edward knew, but he was unprepared for the strength of his response to her thoughts. He was humiliated.

"You're wrong!" he denied again.

'Masochist,' she thought, still tentatively exploring her realization. She pictured him naked and panting, slavishly crawling towards a silent red-eyed vampire. The image proved too much for Edward who, with a roar, launched himself at her. Esme and Emmett were there immediately, separating the siblings and dragging them out of the house. By the time Carlisle and Bella returned to the main room only Esme was present, placidly mopping the floor with bleach.

The party was definitely over. Without Alice's joy and enthusiasm, the remaining Cullens had reverted to a gentle civility, but as Bella looked around at their unreadable faces, she felt a growing tension. This was not the usual awkwardness she felt at being on the receiving end of attention too acute to be human. She watched as they tidied the room. Seeing the unnatural speed and the eerie stillness of their bodies, she felt all her inadequacies more keenly than ever. Still worse, when Edward came back in he stayed away from her, his face undecipherable.

Finally, to Bella's relief, she and Edward were back in her truck. Trying to shake the discomfort of the evening she looked for him to reassure her with his promises of undying love, but he was much more reserved than usual. Distantly she recognized that she was beginning to panic.

Despite the uneasy drive home, Edward had, as normal, slipped into Bella's bedroom through the window. But even as Bella snuggled up against him in her bed, the intense focus that he normally kept on her was absent. So, with uncharacteristic energy Bella tried to force herself into a brighter mood. She smiled and flirted and coquettishly pressed her soft breasts against his chest. That finally got him to turn to her and brush his lips against hers.

Bella was reassured; in his kiss, she felt whole. Her whole body relaxed and she basked in the sweetness of his scent.

"Kiss me again," she ordered. Edward gasped out a laugh. "Well, don't do anything you don't want to do," she added, piqued. She was looking at him, but she couldn't understand the expression on his face.

"Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do," he said in a strangely desperate tone. Confused, Bella opened her mouth to ask what he was thinking, but then his mouth was on hers and he was kissing her deeply. She basked in the sensation and allowed sweet euphoria to carry her off into insensibility.

She fell asleep clutching at Edward as he held her gently. He continued to hold her as Charlie eventually turned off the TV and came upstairs to get ready for bed. Finally Charlie also fell asleep and Edward knew he could delay no longer.

"Time to talk, Edward." Jasper called softly. He had returned with Alice and along with Rosalie and Emmett they were all waiting at the edge of the forest. Edward reluctantly leapt from the window and surrounded by his siblings, they ran back to the house.

***

"Rosalie," Carlisle interrupted, still patient. "I do not understand why you are so upset. We know that Edward finds Bella attractive, there's no reason to deny him the joy he derives from the company of his mate."

Rosalie's inarticulation was growing as she failed again to explain her objection to Edward's relationship with Bella. She was trying to avoid using epithets like 'deviant,' but she couldn't figure out how to explain the wrongness she felt. It was obvious, she thought, that Edward's attraction was motivated by his twisted desires and that he was compelling his human to respond.

Edward's angry shifting made it clear just how little he wanted to have this conversation.

"I don't understand why we even have to discuss this," he bit out.

"Because the future has changed," Alice explained. "I see Bella drained, now."

"By your husband!" Edward accused, pointedly.

"No," Alice answered. Edward watched the image of himself and Bella in Alice's mind. They lay intertwined in Bella's bed, embracing passionately. Bella was wearing her pajamas, but Edward was completely nude. As she stretched above him he saw his future self, with no warning, suddenly sink his teeth into her neck. As Bella writhed in an open-mouthed scream, Charlie burst into the room and tried to pull Edward off. Not shifting his focus, Edward reached out and broke the other man's neck.

"No!" breathed Edward, aghast.

"Yes," said Alice. "I started seeing this almost as soon as we left."

The others listening had drawn the correct inference.

"So Edward drains Bella." Emmett stated with a wince. "Well. I can't say I'm entirely surprised. Are we packing?" But Esme interrupted, confused and unhappy.

"Why, though? They are mates."

"Because he doesn't love her, he loves the pain she causes him!" Rosalie hissed and this time everyone understood. They looked at one another then turned their curious faces to Edward.

Edward stood in frozen stillness, slumped and still. He was overwhelmed by shame and furious that the family was talking about his sexuality. He wanted to deny Rosalie's hissed accusations and run, but even though he felt flayed open it also felt like he finally understood his own desires. As he stood in front of his coven he rationalized that this humiliation was fair payback for his mind reading. And having been outed, he was desperate to know what Carlisle thought.

Carlisle quickly suppressed an old memory of penitent flagellants and turned to his familiar refrain of remorse that he was forcing Edward to endure the endless pain of the world. 'But could Bella not help you release that pain?' he wondered. An involuntary image flickered across his mind of a fierce and beautiful Denali sister instructing a tentative Bella in the art of subjugation.

Edward's sense of contrition grew. "I thought..." he trailed off. "I don't know anymore what it is that I'm feeling. I'm afraid…" he trailed off again and wished that one of the others could draw his thoughts out.

"Your understanding of yourself has changed." Jasper said, "…but it will likely weaken your control with her."

Jasper's words were circumspect, but his thoughts were not. He believed that it was Edward's own transcendent bloodlust during the party that had induced his shift in emotions. Where before Edward was desperately infatuated with a girl he idealized, now he was possessive of her blood. Edward's shame grew. 

"We're very exposed," Jasper said turning the topic away from Edward. Before tonight the family believed that staying in Forks was of greater benefit to Edward than the risk of exposure, but now opinions were shifting. Telling a human about their true nature had been a dangerous choice and now everyone wanted to run. Eventually the conversation returned to the subject of Bella.

“What will you do with her?” Jasper asked.

“I won't drink from her,” Edward hedged.

“Good,” said Carlisle. His warm approval strengthened Edward’s desire to do the right thing.

“I will leave her behind. I’ll tell her that we have to leave and I’ll break up with her,” he said.

If some of the vampires found it strange to hear Edward speaking to his sire like an adolescent teen they kept it to themselves. After all, the family had been mimicking human behavior for decades. 

“That seems like the kindest option,” said Carlisle gently.

And perhaps it was. In the collective timespan of the Cullen family billions of humans had lived their lives and died. So few of those humans had been exceptional and of those even fewer still were female. So they left without worrying about the girl because to them there was nothing to worry about. And to begin with, they were right.

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dumping Bella and leaving without saying goodbye always struck me as particularly cruel for vamps that were supposedly motivated by love and a moral code. I get that characters can only be as clever as their creator (so these guys I'm writing have their limitations) but I felt like there might have been more to the backstory.


	2. Let us offer the protest of corpses

NOVEMBER

Bella jolted awake to the sound of Charlie’s shower turning on. Grey light was barely filtering in through her thin curtain and she could feel the damp in the air. She breathed deeply and smelled the scents of the forest. Never again, she thought, never again will I smell his sweet smell, feel his cold embrace, touch his hard body. She felt a numbness in her heart and a weakness in her legs and she remembered again, as she did every morning, that feeling of absence. She felt it as an ache in her bones. Then with one last long wistful thought, and oh how her heart clenched at his memory, she forced the feeling away, out of mind, and she swung her aching legs out of bed to get ready.

In the kitchen, while Bella made toast, Charlie watched her over the rim of his coffee cup. “I’ve bought you a plane ticket to Florida,” he finally said. Bella jerked violently and they both watched as her bread slice slid across the kitchen floor scattering crumbs everywhere.

“Leave it,” Charlie said. “I want you to spend Thanksgiving with Renee and think seriously about moving back in with her.” Bella looked at him with wide, hurt eyes. She had been trying so hard, her grades were fine and she was still working her shifts at the camping store. Charlie grimaced. 

“I want you here, Bells. It’s so nice to have you here, but more than that I want you to be happy and I can tell you’re not.” Bella started to protest but Charlie just waved her off. “Just think seriously about what'll be best for you in the long run."

***

“Gosh, Bella, you’re so twitchy,” her mom said, briskly running her hands up and down her daughter’s arms. They were standing with Phil in the arrivals lounge of the airport as crowds swarmed around.

When Bella had left in the spring she was still wearing a cast and she had looked tired and ill with pain. The girl who had come back to them now was not wearing a cast but otherwise she looked just as unwell. It worried Phil. He'd been surprised when Charlie asked them to make a therapy appointment for Bella, but looking at his step-daughter he was glad that they had.

Bella was much less happy. "Come on mom, this can’t be what Charlie meant!" she protested for the umpteenth time. They were pulling up alongside a low bungalow where one of Renee's friends ran a meditation clinic out of her living room.

"It's just an hour,” Renee answered. Susan is perfectly lovely and I'll be waiting outside to pick you up when you're done. Off you go."

Renee was right, Susan was very nice. She was open and friendly, and even though she did talk a lot about energy flow Bella was used to that from Renee. She brought Bella into the living room and directed her to a beanbag chair. "We'll just meditate together, hun. There's nothing to worry about."

Susan walked over to the bookcase while Bella tried not to roll her eyes at the sudden soundtrack of tinkling chimes and meditation gongs coming from the CD player. The lights were dim and the room smelled of incense and despite herself Bella felt calmer, so when Susan started giving her instructions that felt like friendly suggestions Bella decided to play along.

As time passed Bella had followed the direction to 'relax into just being,' and to 'rest her mind and let it sit in the open sky.' Because it was all so pleasant, when Susan told her to 'be the transcendent witness,' Bella did that too. Then Susan got up murmuring "Why am I burning sandalwood?" 

While Bella was growing up Renee used to talk about Nirvana as though it was a dream holiday. Bella would sigh and try to tolerate her eccentric mother, but now she thought she understood what Renee had been talking about. With every breath that she took it felt like she was entering into a more perfect harmony with the universe. She would have laughed at the absurdity of it if it hadn't felt so good. After months of despondency and bone deep pain, she felt like she had somehow been separated from her aching body. She could feel a great wave of happiness threatening to bubble up and pull her back into herself, but she didn’t want to lose the pain-free lightness that she had found and she forced herself to ignore it.

Bella heard the other woman open a door and then the sound of soft snuffling. Softly, she opened her eyes just a sliver and watched an old golden retriever shuffle out of the bedroom and follow Susan into the kitchen. She heard Susan make a phone call and say that she just needed a few moments and she would be on her way. There was a click and then, "All right, time to go." Susan said, so Bella stood up and let herself be ushered out with the dog.

The three of them stood on the lawn in companionable silence. Susan hummed and quietly said "Just keep breathing for me." Bella nodded pleasantly and worked on holding on to the feeling she'd found. They watched as the old dog relieved herself and then Susan said "You'll be fine now, girl. " Bella rather agreed, so she murmured her thanks and went to sit on the curb to wait for Renee.

It was overcast, but still the weather was unusually balmy for November and much warmer than Forks had been. Bella stretched out her legs and listened to the sounds of the city. They were in a quiet residential neighborhood, but she could hear the hum of power-lines and the low sound of traffic. It was so different from Forks and she could tell she was in a proper city just from the smell of the air.

She breathed deeply and caught the scent of something familiar. What was that gorgeous scent? Curiously she stood up to locate the source. She was taking great inhalations of the air as she followed her nose past the neighbors' house and pushed her way through a large and leafy viburnum. 

A man and woman were leaning against the side of the house, their bodies wrapped together. The man's back was turned to Bella but she could hear the intimate sounds they were making. A wet squelched followed by a hushed gasp. Mortified, Bella thought to run away before they noticed her, but she could not seem to turn. Breathing deeply through her nose she took another step forward.

Suddenly the man spun to face her. His lips were an indecent smear of red, unexpectedly wet and glistening with blood. Beside him, the woman slumped to the ground. Bella gasped and the man looked puzzled. Then her body caught up with her brain and with a sudden rush of adrenaline Bella was spinning around in the direction she had come, all sense of peace forgotten.

On the other side of the city Renee looked up from the potatoes she was peeling. "Oh my god, Phil," she exclaimed. "We forgot about Bella!"

***

Bella didn’t make it very far before she felt a cold hand at her wrist. The grip was loose but immovable and she was wrenched to a stop. Panting desperately, she turned back toward the vampire who had her trapped. Between panicked breaths she thought she might be sick, but with every breath she was somehow easing the desperate craving that had been with her almost constantly since Edward left. Unconsciously she stepped towards him and pressed her nose into his armpit. His eyebrows lifted.

For several long moments Bella’s heavy breathing and heaving shoulders were the only movement between the pair. Then the vampire lifted Bella’s arm and took a long curious look at the bite scar on her arm. He leaned over her and sniffed at her hair then moving her hair aside he smelled at her neck, her shoulders, then he dropped to his knees in front of her and continued smelling at her chest and waist before--to Bella’s alarm--dropping his face even lower. She tried to pull away in furious embarrassment but he was still holding on to her wrist. Then just as rapidly as before he was standing again, in perfect stillness, and staring at her with terrifying crimson eyes.

He grinned at her, “What is your name, little fish?” he asked. His cheeks dimpled charmingly but Bella couldn’t look away from his teeth. Her whole body trembled and she felt a trickle run down her thigh.

He sighed dramatically, “Fine, be boring.” Without letting go of Bella he reached down for his victim's body and casually slung it over his shoulder. Bella’s gaze shifted to the woman and she watched in horrified fascination as the limp arms flopped against the vampire's back. The woman really didn’t look dead but her eyes were wide open and staring vacantly.

He walked them around to the side of the house where a car was parked and placed the dead woman in the backseat. When he slammed the door shut Bella shuddered. She could hear the woman’s body fall against the seat but she could barely see its form through the darkly tinted glass.

The vampire turned back to Bella who stood trembling next to the car. Except for one aborted twitch when he finally dropped her wrist, she hadn’t made any move to run away. She couldn’t think clearly, the horror of this situation was so similar to the ballet studio last year. She was so stupid, why had she just gone blundering after the scent of the vampire’s allure? This time there was no hope of rescue and maybe she didn’t deserve to be saved anyway. She knew how this would end. In pain and fear and death. He was saying something to her, but Bella couldn’t hear it over the sudden rush of blood in her ears, then she dropped to the ground in a faint.

The vampire had been following the roller-coaster of Bella’s physical responses and wasn't surprised when she collapsed at his feet. He scooped her up and placed her in the front seat and then waited until she started to stir before teasingly murmuring “Shotgun!” into her hair. Bella felt a wave of revulsion for the figure who was now settling in to the driver’s seat. However afraid she was, the feeling that he was toying with her made it so much worse.

From the direction of the street Bella heard the sound of a car pulling to a stop. She thought about calling for help but knew it would be worse than futile as she’d be condemning others to her fate. She listened as a chatting couple exited the car and walked up the neighboring walkway.

The vampire turned to her with a mocking expression and asked, “So tell me, what brings you to the area…” she could hear her mother’s voice calling in the neighboring yard, “…Bella?” he finished.

Bella shivered. She knew with certainty that her decisions now could kill her parents, but if she could then she would save them from the supernatural horror show that her life had become. Summoning her courage, she looked into the blood red eyes of her captor and answered “They don’t know anything. They were expecting me to be waiting outside the neighbor's, but I promise,” she repeated, “they don’t know anything.”

“Of course, I believe you entirely!” he answered, starting the car and pulling down the long shaded driveway. Slowly he rolled the car past Susan’s house where a worried looking Renee was walking the length of the yard and Phil was peering in at the windows.

They sat in the idling car waiting until they caught Renee’s attention and she came walking up to the driver’s side window. She was just reaching out to knock when the smirking vampire peeled away from the curb and drove off with a squeal.

Bella turned to watch the figure of her mother receding in the distance. Her mum looked shocked and scared.

“Now, I have one more little task,” he said. But Bella was barely listening as she thought about the expression on her mother's face.

Not five minutes later they pulled up alongside another house and the vampire turned to Bella. “Stay quiet,” he said. Then after looking at her for a long moment he added “Or I will let you introduce me to your kinsmen.” 

Bella shuddered, but she’d already decided that her life was the price for saving Renee. She watched as he entered a house and re-emerged some time later with a traveling bag. 

Climbing back in to the driver’s seat he said "And now, we will go!" 

With a glance and a disturbingly friendly smile he pulled away from the house and toward the highway.


	3. The end of the tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm invoking Sturgeon's Law on the previous chapter (or perhaps the entire work.) I thought that because I like to read it would be easy to write. It's not! I just hope that it gets easier with practice.

Bella kept glancing back at the dead woman in the backseat. Every bump and turn was shifting the body and she couldn't temper her horrified fascination.

“I know that three is a crowd,” the vampire finally said, “But stop worrying, she will not be with us much longer.” This bit of reassurance did nothing to calm Bella. 

"So," he continued, “that is an interesting scar you are wearing on your arm, how did you come by it?”

Bella’s heart raced at the question, was she only alive because he was curious? This was almost like her first meeting with Edward. She remembered the look of rage on his face the day they first met. He had stopped himself from killing her by running away, until his curiosity about her closed mind drew him back. She couldn't interest him for long though, and once he got bored of her he took his family and left.

She rubbed at her chest, trying to slow her racing heart. For the first time in months she'd been able to think about them without feeling the crippling emotional emptiness. She was starting to feel angry. How could he just drop her like that? How could they all? And now another vampire was trying exactly the same thing. Well, she didn't feel like buying a few more minutes of life by entertaining him. 

The vampire gave her a quick glance when he heard her heart rate surge. He didn’t say anything else, but he turned on the radio and they drove on for a while to the sound of seventies rock. She was very young, he thought, and very delicate. It was difficult to tame his exuberance at the discovery of this interesting and fragile aberration but he would if it would lead to her freely sharing her story.

He tried pitching his voice as gently as he could. “My name is Demetri,” he said.

Bella stiffened indignantly, she had been feeling her anger drain away to hopelessness, but at the sound of his voice it all came back. She was not going to let him pretend to be her friend. She pressed her lips tightly together.

“I can tell you aren’t happy," he continued, "but I can also tell that you know more than you should.” 

She knew that was true. Edward had hinted until she’d figured out exactly what he was, and then he'd almost never let her out of his sight again.

“I saw you protect your parents earlier,” Demetri continued, “is that why they don’t know about us, you were protecting them?” Bella's eyes welled with tears. She wished that had been her reason for not telling her family, the truth was that her mother really hadn’t factored in the decision. It had been all about Edward - her love - and since he'd asked her to keep his secrets, she had.

“I can’t read your mind, little one. Were you protecting them,” he watched for a reaction, “…or someone else?” She gave a tight nod. He kept his face impassive, but was delighted that she’d responded. He leaned forward and turned up the volume on the radio as a singer crooned ‘knock knock knocking on heaven’s door.’ 

Demetri was enjoying himself, this was the most interesting encounter he'd had in decades. A mysterious thrall had thrown herself at his feet - fortunately after he'd fed - and now he had her company and music and the open road. He surveyed the heavy traffic and amended that last thought, but nevertheless, he felt pleased with the state of the world.

Bella's eyes widened at the song he'd turned up, was he making fun of her? Of her mortality? And what was she thinking, she had just decided not to share any stories and she was already backtracking and answering questions. She reminded herself that she didn't owe her killer anything and resolved to be tougher.

The highway had opened up and they were well out into the countryside before Demetri spoke again.

"The one you protected, was he destroyed?"

Bella was slumped in her seat looking out the window. She didn't answer.

Demetri was amused. "You must have really missed him, the way you came through the bushes to find me." He casually stretched his arm over to rest on the back of Bella's seat. Bella shrank away. "You were so desperate. I wonder if you still miss him as much now that you have had some time with my allure."

She pondered the thought as the endless highway markers slipped past. Maybe her strange behavior today and over the past few months could be blamed on an actual chemical dependency. Eventually her curiosity overcame her reluctance.

"Is it addictive?" she asked, so softly she shouldn't have been heard over the radio.

"Ah, she has a voice!" Demetri grinned widely. "Listen, we will exchange answers to questions. Tell me Bella, was he destroyed?"

"No, he just left," Bella murmured and then added, "he said I wasn't good for him..."

Demetri frowned, "He just left." That did not correspond with any of the scenarios he'd imagined. "And was he the one who gave you the bite?" When Bella didn't answer he smiled again. "Ah yes, my turn to answer now. Yes we are addictive. The living crave our scent," he forced himself not to waggle his eyebrows. "But I have never seen anyone with withdrawal symptoms like yours."

Bella was gnawing at her lower lip, "He was gone for months, I should have been better by now."

"I could not say," Demetri evaded, "I have never seen your like before."

"Great," Bella muttered "so I'm the only person to get dumped by a vampire." Demetri laughed at her petulance. 

"As it happens," he said, "you are the only thrall I have met who outlived the relationship." Bella blanched and looked out the window, terrified once again. 

"Come now, tell me about the bite, was it his?"

This was the question she'd been expecting. She knew that by telling him what he wanted to know she would become boring once again and then he would kill her. Two hours ago she'd resolved not answer, but she'd spent those long hours since dreading her death and the question of when he would kill her had been thrumming through her mind that entire time. She was tired and thought she might as well face the inevitable. 

"It was a nomad named James. He's dead now, I mean completely dead." She was no longer flinching at the thought of Edward, instead she rather thought it was his fault she was in this terrible situation. "He was killed by my vampire who also sucked the venom out of my bite." Demetri raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Now that I've told you," Bella asked, "am I going to die?"

Demetri looked amused, "Of course, Bella. Everyone dies." He flicked his eyes in her direction, "But I will not kill you."

With that surprising statement Demetri pulled to a stop. They had left the highway and were on an empty stretch of forest road. Scraggly pine trees and the growing dusk made it hard to see very far in any direction.

Leaving Bella to stand at the tree line, Demetri moved blindingly fast around the car making adjustments, then he drove at speed into a wooden utility pole. He was out and standing next to Bella well before the sagging power line landed on the car. Bella gasped at the crackle of arcing current and then jumped as a nearby transformer exploded.

They stood and watched the car burn. Bella could feel the heat on her face and the fumes burning her throat. Her whole body ached and she felt emotionally numb, like she’d run out of fear. A few times Demetri left her side to stamp out sparks that had flown off into the trees, but eventually he settled into stillness next to her, just watching the flames.

"Who was he, the one who did this to you?"

Bella stayed silent.

" I can take you to him, if you give me his name." 

'How?' she wondered, but she shook her head no.

"I'm not alone in this, Bella. We can't allow our existence to become known. Even if your vampire is certain that he left behind no trace of his true nature we must guard against future disclosure. In the past we have been hurt by journals and letters, but today the internet is a far greater danger. Please tell me." Bella chewed on her bottom lip, he made it sound sound so reasonable but what would it mean for the Cullens?

"Will you hurt him?"

"Will I hurt him? No."

Still she stayed quiet.

"Your loyalty does you credit, but are you more loyal to him than to yourself or your own family? With one finger I could break your bones. I could feed off your parents. I could bring you to their home and make you watch as I ..."

"Stop!" she exclaimed, tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Please tell me his name then."

She didn't know what to do. She was being asked to trade her family for his family, or at least their name. But they could take care of themselves couldn't they? And besides, they were the ones who left her. 

"It's Edward Cullen," she said, turning away.

'Ah, the stregoni benefici.' Demetri snorted, that rather explained it. 

He was relieved that it hadn't taken long to persuade her to talk. Very soon he knew that she wouldn't be speaking at all. Her smell had been shifting during the drive and the trace amount of venom that had remained in her bite was well and truly in her bones now. Once her marrow was changed she would enter a critical period as her body attempted the agonizing ordeal of transformation. With so little starting material in her system he didn't envy her the length of her coming change and he thought it unlikely that many of her memories would survive the process even if she did.

When an emergency response vehicle finally arrived, he pulled her deeper in to the forest. He would wait to hear if they made the connection between his car and the missing person's report that had no doubt been filed and then he would take the girl somewhere where her screams wouldn't be heard.


	4. O children of the dusk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is more than canon-typical violence in this chapter: vampires are monsters and in this chapter reference is made to children dying. It's not graphic, but please read on at your own discretion.

Flitting through the trees they moved like specters across the countryside leaving a trail of the disappeared behind them. No one connected the cases.

“Who am I?” she eventually asked the man who was teaching her.

“Well, you are my travel companion!” he answered laughing.

“But what is my name? Where did I come from?”

He was slow to answer. “Your mother called you Bella, for all the good that will do you.” She heard him but didn’t acknowledge the statement, her attention was transfixed by an aphid clinging to a leaf and gently swaying its antennae. 

“And I am called Demetri,” he added.

From that point on she always addressed him by name.

“Demetri, where are we going today?” 

He smirked every time she asked a question.

“Well Bella, I thought we would go north. There’s a beautiful nature preserve in that area.”

She liked his easy cheer and found herself asking questions just to talk. 

"Demetri, how did you find me?"

"You came looking for me, little one."

Her ability to concentrate was unpredictable. She was running across the countryside at full tilt with the wind in her face watching the clouds move across the sky when she had momentarily glanced down and been arrested by the sight of an ant colony. She stood motionless for hours, mesmerized by the tiny movements, while Demetri patiently waited.

They were constantly traveling. There was no fixed place of return that they ever came back to. They would bathe and rinse their clothing in streams and run until they dried. They carried almost nothing with them.

One quiet night they were sitting in a thicket of pine trees close to a quiet road. She was watching the birds roosting above her, seeing them shiver their feathers into little balls of fluff. Nearby Demetri was reading a book that he had claimed from their last victim.

'I used to read,' she remembered. But the thought was fleeting.

***

There was an old woman who lived on an isolated farmstead. It had been her family home through the thirties and if the family could keep it through that hardship then she wasn’t going to let age take it now. After all, she could still manage her day-to-day and her children were always driving up to help with the chores.

She was carrying a pitcher out to the porch for the kids who had come up today. It wasn't a warm day but a body would build up a sweat through work. Her son had the leaf blower blasting - storms were bad this year - and there was no sense in hollering. Besides he was wearing those ear protectors. Her grandson was skiving off somewhere with the girl he'd brought out - they were in the barn together, if she knew anything.

There was a brief blur across her vision - her old eyes focused so badly now - and she was surprised to see it resolve into the figure of a girl. The girl stepped up too close - not polite at all - and then there were sharp teeth sinking into the fluttering pulse at her neck.

The pitcher fell with a crash as the woman slumped. Across the yard her son caught the motion out of the corner of his eye and glanced up. There was a strange and dirty girl holding his mother on the porch. He could not understand what he was seeing. They were locked in an embrace and his mother was dangling from small hands at her neck.

He didn’t shout, but his mouth dropped open. He watched as the girl looked at him and let the body fall to her feet. In a blink she was on him. He couldn’t look away from her terrifying red eyes but she wasn’t looking at his eyes, her focus was lower, at his shoulder? No, at his neck and then hands like a vise grabbed him and pulled him to her mouth.

Demetri watched all this from a safe distance, leaning against a pear tree. He had heard the rhythmic slide of skin on skin and soft gasps coming from the barn, but in the quiet left by the machine those sounds had stopped and were replaced by shuffling fabric and quiet laughs. He watched as his girl turned her blood-smeared face up to scent the wind. Her eyes were closed and her chin was dripping. Then she took off, sprinting to meet the couple who had just come stumbling out of the outbuilding.

The boy had enough time to shout at the figure racing towards him, but then he was knocked down and a mouth was clamped on his neck. The young girl beside him gasped and after one long shocked moment she turned and ran back behind the barn and directly into Demetri's waiting arms.

He came back around to look at his baby vampire. For her, the maddening stimulus of human smells and noises had finally quieted. She had rolled off the third body and was watching patterns of light dappling through the tree branches. 

Bella felt relaxed and sated. She was ready to drift on the feeling but Demetri was approaching. Over his shoulder he carried a body and she watched as its limp arms flopped against his back. She vaguely remembered another moment when she had seen this before. She felt a sudden pulse of horror. Glancing around the yard at the carnage she'd left, the feeling swelled, but was abruptly forgotten as she was once again distracted by the overwhelming, riotous detail of the world around her.

“We must disguise the deaths,” Demetri was saying. He had brought her into the farmhouse and was showing her how to stage an accident. He moved around her carefully leaving a buffer of space between them in the crowded kitchen. 

She looked around and was amazed by the layers of scent, the sheer number of items in the room, the fingerprints and the dust and the colors. There was a frog shaped dish on the drainboard holding a scrub pad in its mouth. It seemed familiar and she reached out for it; her fingers crumbled through the ceramic. Startled she pulled her hand back and looked at her perfect uninjured skin.

They left the house as flames consumed the kitchen. In the yard Bella stood impossibly still and watched the fire burn through crimson eyes.

***

It was another day and they were hiding from the late afternoon sun in a derelict shed. Bella was trying to remember her mother but was distracted by the endless stream of dust motes tumbling through the light. 

"Aargh! Why can't I think!" she screamed, pulling her cheeks into a ghoulish grimace.

Demetri was whittling a piece of wood nearby. He found her frustration entertaining, but tamed his expression into something solemn. 

"We are attracted by the pulse of blood in a vein," he said, "so our senses are attuned to any rhythmic motion. Watch," he said, standing up. 

He pumped his hips like he was dancing and Bella started to scoff, but her gaze was caught by the repetitive wrinkle and stretch of his jeans and her eyes went unfocused. 

"You jerk," she said, when she eventually looked away. The shadows around them had noticeably lengthened. 

He laughed at her.

***

The fall days were getting shorter and the weather should have been too cold for outdoor living, but Bella's body didn’t react to temperature the way it once had. She never felt the cold, or the discomfort of the surfaces they rested on, or the dampness of her clothing. She only felt an awareness of sensation, a curiosity about the world, and then a periodic loss of rationality when her body was overcome by hunger. At those times her companion would help her feed.

She never felt any guilt during the kill - during those moments she was mindless with bloodlust - but she hated the aftermath when they cleaned up the sites and disguised the bodies. It wasn’t the pathos of her victims that bothered her, it was that once she had sated her hunger she would be assailed by a creeping malaise and a recollection of fear that never fully coalesced into an actual memory.

***

She had finally understood what she was, and now that she did she wanted her human memories back. Demetri was unsympathetic.

“You’ve been re-made,” he told her, “and if you're careful you can live forever. Your human memories will become old and meaningless. Eventually they won’t even make sense. I have a memory of leather laces that I once owned. They must have been important to me, but today I can't even remember what they were for. I only know that thinking of them makes me sad.”

Bella wasn’t convinced. “Maybe I don’t need to remember things like my favorite foods, but I wish I knew my own mind. What would my other self have thought of what I’ve become?”

Demetri just shrugged. “Maybe your past memories will come back to you someday. But more likely you will have to make up your own mind in the present. In my time I wouldn’t have bothered with talking if I met a girl like you alone in the forest.” Bella pinched her mouth in disgust. “It’s better to live in the present,” he said, looking away.

Demetri's implication stayed with her and left her feeling unsettled. In all the time that they had been together she realized that they had never touched. She recalled their time bathing in the river and tried to assess his intention when they were washing their bodies, but she was pretty sure that he hadn't even looked at her. 

"Are you gay?" she blurted, unthinking. 

He laughed at her and waggled his eyebrows. "What do you think?"

"I don't," she retorted. Embarrassed, she took off into the night knowing that he would follow but trusting that he would give her space. And anyway, she knew she would soon be distracted from the feeling.

The next time they were sitting together she surreptitiously watched him. He was lanky and broad shouldered with capable hands and kind red eyes. In another life she would have been afraid of his size, but he never loomed and anyway she thought that she might be stronger than him. 

She wanted to know why he stayed with her, he never asked for anything and he was infinitely patient. He'd never failed to answer her questions so she asked him about it directly. 

"I like making new friends," he answered, smirking. "And there are so very few of us in this old world."

Demetri could tell that she was recovering her former patterns of thinking. He was a little sorry to see her newborn innocence replaced with self-control, but that was the way of things. 

"It's also good to have someone to protect you at the start," he continued. "Can you imagine what would have happened if you'd been left to wander around with your goldfish attention span and strength like a small army?"

This was a reasonable answer and Bella was surprised to find it disappointed her. 

"So will you be taking me to meet your other friends?"

"And deny you the pleasure of exploring the world for yourself?" He looked over at her, "Oh ho, look at that pout! Baby wants company."

She reached over to punch him and he darted out of the way.

"I do not think you are ready to touch me, little fish."

***

They had killed the entire family. Two adults and two pre-teen children who had come up for a weekend at the cabin. Bella was wandering around the small space picking up the children's toys and flipping through the magazines. She came across a sketch pad and flipped through the pencil drawings of superheroes and attempts at family portraits. 

"They'll never grow up," she said. 

Demetri looked at her.

"I don't like this. They were people, just children." 

He looked down at the paper pad that she was flipping through noting that her control was much improved. He wondered if she was ready to try hunting in the city. When he noticed that she was still staring at him he recalled her most recent words. Ah right, the moral dilemmas of newborns. There was no good answer. He could tell her that it got easier, which was true: over the centuries he had seen millions of people and fed from thousands and it was no longer startling to him to meet a human in one decade and then to see their genetic combination reappear decades later looking like a reincarnation. 

He wondered sometimes about how he affected the communities left behind, but even those times that he'd killed someone in an important social niche, other humans had rushed to fill the void. It was hard for him now to even understand the timeline of human lives, they flickered in and out of existence in an ever repeating ever increasing stream. And really, the population was so robust today, their lives were so much longer. Vast swathes of people no longer lived to survive but lived for self-fulfillment of all things! He really didn't see that he did that much damage.

But tell that to someone who still saw herself in the faces of her meals. 

He looked at the bodies in the cabin. It was hard for him to assign an abstract sense of worth to these particular dead children when he had already seen so many children die. But how to explain that to his baby vampire? 

'There's always a choice,' he thought about saying. 'You can live or they can live.' But he didn't think that she was ready to hear that. Not everyone could handle their interminable existence. There were always those whose depression and ennui brought them to Volterra to end their lives. But it was too soon for her to be thinking of that as an option. Better to set her a challenge.

"These children had good lives," he said. "They were well fed and they were loved. They never had to work in a mill or a mine. They've probably never even been to a farm, let alone had to do farm labor. Their bodies were never used. These were lucky children.

"Of course there are still children today who aren't so lucky. If you would learn to control yourself while you're feeding then maybe you could help them."

"But these children will never get a chance to live their lives." Bella protested.

Demetri shrugged.


	5. Things that don't decay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some non-consensual voyeurism in this chapter and it's more explicit than what SM did in canon.

**AN:** This could use a beta reader (are you interested?) Also, B goes somewhat OOC here, but I understand that's the [price of invisibility](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InvisibleJerkass).

***

Demetri noticed that his baby vampire was glancing his way again. He turned to her and she looked away biting at her lip. Her ability to concentrate had improved markedly over the last few weeks but he found it humorous that what she seemed most interested in concentrating on now was him.

They were sitting on a bluff overlooking a canal and watching the sun set. It was a cold winter day and the waterway was quiet and empty. In the distance they could see the concrete backsides of warehouses that marked the industrial sector of a small town.

"Time for something new." Demetri decided as the sun slipped below the horizon. He started off in the direction of the community at a slow saunter. Bella didn't hesitate to follow.

There was very little activity in the streets that they walked through. All of the after work traffic had disappeared and most of the commercial fronts seemed if not abandoned, then certainly run down. A few streetlights were lit up further down the street around a hum of activity. As they got closer Bella could see an aged plastic sign proclaiming the site to be "Jakes' bar."

They were still a few blocks away when Demetri asked "Would you care to go in for a drink, Bella?"

She looked at the two people in front of the bar smoking. She could feel their pulsating, breathing bodies drawing her forward and threatening to pull her into a state of frenzy.

"I'm not ready," she whispered.

"Hm, perhaps not." Demetri answered, looking at her dilated pupils. "But nevertheless you should practice." Which was how Bella found herself crouching in an alley behind the bar. Squeezed between a dumpster and a bundle of cardboard she tried to ignore the scent of her prey and the beating of a dozen hearts and instead focus on their conversations.

She could hear Demetri ordering a beer and noticed how the ambient chatter went quiet as the regulars spotted the stranger in their midst. "M'here to catch the game; I cut the cord." she heard him drawl in an accent quite unlike his own. There was a chorus of sympathetic muttering.

"Fuckin' cable companies," one man said.

"Like you've got a TV," another retorted, to chuckles. And the conversation picked up again.

Listening farther afield she heard the clicking sound of a bicycle coming to a stop a block away. The rider was greeted by a female voice and then more cars were pulling up and parking, doors were slammed and drivers called hello to one another; a group of women was gathering.

Bella listened to their chatting as they went inside with a pang of jealousy. The sound of their voices became slightly muffled but she could clearly hear the sticky snap of plastic mats being unrolled and then the talking stopped and was replaced with a single voice leading the group in synchronized breathing.

Bella pretended to be part of the class and allowed herself to be guided by the instructions. Breathing in for the count of ten, holding, and exhaling she found her focus sharpening to exclude everything but the chorus of sighs coming from the room.

The soft voice was telling her to let go of everything weighing on her mind and pay attention only to her breathing. She felt tranquil, then she heard the sound of a clear gong ring out from the studio. The resonating peal traveled through her body from the soles of her feet and up through her spine and as it did her mind seemed to become untethered and all the urgent signals coming from her agitated body dropped away.

***

Demetri felt an uncharacteristic moment of doubt as he led his cocky victim into the back alley. He wasn't particularly thirsty so why had he lured this man out on the pretext of procuring codeine? The hairs on the back of his neck rose and he glanced around looking for people or cameras, but no one had followed them and he saw nothing suspicious.

With a mental shrug he grabbed the man and tossed him against the metal waste bin. Picking up his unconscious victim he lapped at the bleeding head injury and drank until he was certain the man was dead. Then reaching into the dead man's pocket he pulled out a bag of finely ground powder and sniffed at it: cornstarch. Well, that would suggest a plausible chain of events. He dumped it over the man's shirt, carried out a final assessment of the scene, and sauntered away.

Still crouched next to the dumpster, Bella opened her eyes. Her hands were loose at her sides and she was breathing rhythmically, though it had taken a supernatural effort not to break focus when the still bleeding body had landed on her feet. Without looking she skipped over it and scrambled after Demetri wondering if she'd passed his test.

She was disconcerted to find him turning his head in various directions and talking to himself; it sounded like he was muttering names. Facing north he exhaled "Jasper," and took off running.

Bella kept pace beside him, mildly bewildered by his behavior. "Where are we going, Demetri?" she asked, but he took no notice of her and started humming.

She suppressed a flinch at the unexpected rejection and slowed down. Had he seen that she was crushing on him and decided to ignore her? She hadn't been able to help it, he'd been such a rock during her first weeks, so comforting and patient. But this cruelty was unexpected. Maybe he thought that she was ready to go off by herself since she hadn't fought him when he was feeding...but she wasn't ready to separate!

She knew that he'd been hinting from the beginning that they would split up at some point. He seemed to think that she should explore the world without him, but she'd been avoiding thinking about it. She'd really been hoping that he would change his mind and let her stay with him.

She watched the figure running ahead of her. His gait was slightly uneven and he was using it to keep time to a song he was humming. She thought of just letting him disappear over the horizon, but it hurt to consider. Even if it made her look pathetic she decided that she was going with him. She sped up.

***

The sky was turning gray as daylight approached. They'd been running through patchy forest all night. Bella was trying to stay far enough back that she couldn't hear Demetri's singing - he'd been repeating the same Russian marching tune all night. She scowled slightly at the thought that his auditory warfare might drive her off after all.

Up ahead Demetri had found a glade and appeared to be stopping for the day.

She approached slowly, not certain of her welcome. He was lying on his back watching the clouds blowing across the sky. As she stepped out of the trees he was unzipping his fly and sliding his hand into his pants. She gasped at the pale flesh gripped in his fist. She felt a prurient shock and stepped back realizing as she did that she'd lost her meditative breathing rhythm.

There was a long moment during which neither of them moved and then Demetri tucked himself away and called "Bella?" He sounded uncertain. It wasn't the tone she would have expected if he'd been deliberately trying to goad her.

Abruptly she understood. He hadn't been ditching her, he had truly not been aware of her existence while she was dissociated.

She felt a rising hysteria, she needed to calm down and think, but she'd just seen him...seen his...She wasn't ready to face him.

Demetri was already standing up and looking at her with a kind of dawning amazement, a wide grin spreading across his face. She turned away from his gaze and let her hair fall like a curtain between them then she took a deep breath and tried to ignore everything but her breathing.

She knew what she was reaching for this time and it was easier to slip back into the detached mental state. The dissociation gave her some separation from her emotional reaction and she stared at Demetri with less agitation. He was still looking blankly in her direction, discomposed.

He reached down and palmed himself again before seeming to think better of it. He darted out of the middle of the clearing to slip under the heavy cover of a fir tree. A startled bird flew out of the upper branches.

She'd meant to run away, she'd really meant to run away and think, but she couldn't resist following him. She knew that she must be breaking twigs under her feet and that he ought to have sensed the changing air patterns around her, but he was clearly unable to consciously notice her presence. She got down on her hands and knees to follow him under the branches and he shifted slightly away from her. He seemed to be forcing himself to settle, leaning his head back against the tree and draping his arms over his knees. He closed his eyes and appeared to be thinking.

He was so beautiful, Bella thought, staring him from the edge of the tree's canopy. He still hadn't registered her presence. "Demetri," she whispered. He didn't react. "Look at me," she called, louder this time. He still didn't respond.

She crawled towards him until she was close enough to rest her face against his knee. She waited and watched then called "Demetri!" again. He shifted slightly but otherwise didn't react. She felt an involuntary urge to laugh as she flopped down on her stomach. She'd been wanting to look at him for so long and she could finally give free reign to her curiosity.

She stared at his face, the scar marks on his cheeks and neck, the great bite marks on his arms, his broad jaw and sweeping eyelashes. She leaned forward and blew on his knuckles. She saw the faintest tremor travel through his body and he groaned.

She leaned away as he cupped his hand over his crotch again and then swept his thumb down once, twice. Bella could see the bulge growing again and she watched fascinated . When he unzipped and pulled his pants away she couldn't look away, she was simultaneously curious and repelled by the sight. He gripped himself and his skin was flushed so dark in his pale fist as he stroked himself.

Bella felt her own breathing trying to speed up to match his, but she forced herself to calm and watched as Demetri's mouth opened with an audible pop and his hand sped up. The moment seemed to stretch as Bella listened to his panting exhales and then a deep yearning groan. Then with a final shudder he stilled, his hand still resting in his lap and his head leaning back against the tree leaving Bella gazing at the long line of his neck.


End file.
